To See Through the Dark
by PhantomAlchemist
Summary: When Edward gets Winry pregnant, he thinks things can’t get any worse. He’s forced to change his opinion when she doesn’t make it through the birth, and he is left to care for the child on his own. Parental!HughesxEd, Parental!RoyxEd, self-mutilation, AU
1. Chapter 1

So here we meet again…or for the first time. Either way, it's time for my newest Fullmetal fanfic! Woo! Er-hem, alrighty then. Shall we get started?

Summary: When Edward gets Winry pregnant, he thinks things can't get any worse. He's forced to change his opinion when she doesn't make it through the birth, and he is left to care for the child on his own. To top things off, after they have a fight, Alphonse wants nothing more to do with Ed. What will Ed do? [Parental! HughesxEd, some Parental! RoyxEd, self-mutilation] AU

Rating: T (very likely to change)

**Important: Al is human, but Ed is still a state alchemist. And if it wasn't obvious already, Hughes is still alive.**

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

_Italics _indicates a flashback.

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It's funny how everything can go wrong all at once. One moment, it seems everything is fine, and even when things seem stressful, everyone is happy. But in the next moment, everything that could possibly go wrong, does.

"_I'm sorry, Mr. Elric, the child is fine, but Winry didn't make it."_

Edward had never hated doctors more than he did in that one moment of time. They were useless scum that weren't fit to do their job. If every doctor in the world chose right then and there to spontaneously combust, Edward really wouldn't have cared.

_Edward looked at the tiny girl in the doctor's hands. His daughter. He'd said it over and over in his mind before, but until he saw the girl for himself, the words never sunk in. She was his daughter. It was obvious. She had his eyes, but the little tufts of hair on top of her soft head were closer to the bright blonde of Winry's hair than his own golden locks. _

"_Would you like to hold her?" the doctor asked. Edward nodded slowly, and the child was carefully handed over. He held her close, afraid that he would drop her. The baby didn't seem to be looking anywhere in particular or care who was holding her. Using his gloved hand, Ed wiped away a bit of drool pooled below her lip, and she slapped a tiny hand at his finger. Ed smiled softly at the tiny thing in his arms._

Nothing can ever stay so perfect.

"_It's your fault she's not coming back!"_

"_Al, what are you saying?" Ed asked, completely stunned at his younger brother's behavior. _

"_You killed Winry! You're the one that got her pregnant! If it weren't for you, she'd still be here!" Al didn't seem to care who heard him. _

_Ed couldn't even think of anything to say in return. Deep down, he felt the same way. The more Al yelled at him, the more Ed understood where the drastic change in Al had come from. He had loved Winry, too. _

Love does change people. Especially with the loss of that loved one.

"_Say something!" Al yelled at his brother. "Why don't you deny it?"_

"_Because you're right," Ed muttered, refusing to make eye contact. "I killed Winry."_

_Edward barely registered that his brother was leaving. Al stopped just before he walked out of the door, looked back at Ed with a look a complete hurt and betrayal, and walked out. Ed stood still, waiting for him to come back through the door, but he never did._

A broken heart will always affect more than one person. Especially when there's more than one broken heart.

_Edward looked down at the sleeping baby. He felt his eyes watering up, but he refused to let even one tear fall. _

"_Why?" he asked the sleeping form. "Why did you survive…and she didn't? What gives you more right to live than Winry? What makes you so special?"_

_The baby offered him no reply._

_He let the tear fall and fell to his knees._

Edward came out of his stupor when he felt a raindrop fall on his nose. He looked around trying to remember where he was. He could recall wandering around the city after leaving the hospital. He had refused to go back to the dorms. No one but Alphonse knew about the baby, and he didn't feel like being ridiculed by the colonel and the others. Not to mention that he would have to explain why Alphonse wasn't with him.

So instead, he was sitting in an alley, his knees pulled up close, with the baby girl cradled tightly in his arms. She was silent, and Ed was thankful. He didn't know what to do if she should start crying.

More drops steadily started to fall. Ed pulled his red jacket over the infant but made no move to leave. The rain quickly turned into a downpour, but Ed still sat. He was only slightly concerned that the girl did not cry. Even covered as she was, Ed was sure she still had to be getting wet. Thankful that the rain was there to mask his tears, he cried for them both.

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Maes Hughes cursed his luck as a downpour started on his drive home. He slowed down and kept a sharp eye out for any idiot pedestrians that might try to cross the street. He had too much on his mind to worry about swerving around anything. Edward had missed his meeting with the colonel, and when Hughes had gone searching, he had instead found Al furiously packing his things and refusing to answer any questions about Ed. No one else reported seeing him that day.

For a moment, Hughes thought his imagination was playing tricks on him. He thought he saw a red form huddled in an alleyway. He figured he was just seeing things because he was so worried about Ed, but he stopped the car nonetheless. Upon stepping into the alley, he realized he really did see red.

"Edward?" he asked the huddled form, a worried tone in his voice.

The person raised his head. "Lieutenant Colonel?" Ed asked softly as though he couldn't believe anyone was there.

Hughes walked over and stooped beside the drenched teen. "What happened? You've been missing all day, and then I find you out here in the rain? Did you have a fight with Al? I saw him packing." Hughes kept his voice soft but forceful enough to indicate that he wouldn't be happy if Ed didn't have a good reason for his actions.

"Yeah, we had a fight," Ed answered in a voice that didn't seem to belong to him.

"Why?" Hughes asked, his voice losing the edge. A closer look at Ed told him the boy had been crying, and he knew something big must have happened for the brothers to be fighting like that.

Ed stayed silent for a few minutes. Hughes was about to ask again when Ed moved his jacket slightly, revealing a tiny baby. "It's a long story," Ed said.

Hughes took a moment to think as Ed covered the child again. He didn't understand, but his first priority was getting the two out of the rain.

"Come on," Hughes said as he stood up straight.

"Huh?"

"To the car." Hughes jerked his head toward the parked car. "You'll get sick if you stay out here, both of you. I'm taking you to my house."

"But I-" Ed started.

"No 'buts,'" Hughes said as he grabbed Ed's arm. He pulled him to his feet, careful not to make him drop the baby. Placing a hand on his shoulder, he led him to the car, opened the passenger door, and sat him down inside. Ed obeyed without protest.

Hughes took the wheel without another word and resumed his drive home with his silent passenger. The baby occasionally made unhappy noises, and Hughes knew that the moment she woke up, she would start crying.

Hughes didn't pry or even attempt conversation the entire way home. Other than the occasional glances in Ed's direction, he wouldn't have known there was anyone with him.

It was dark by the time they reached the house, and Hughes was thankful that he had left work a few minutes earlier than usual that day.

The house was warm, and Hughes could smell dinner cooking. Elysia could be heard playing somewhere in the house. He took Ed's soaked jacket, along with his own, and hung them by the door. Leading Ed to the couch, he made him sit. Once he was sure Ed wouldn't try to dart for the door, he went off to find Gracia. They both returned and sat on the couch opposite Edward.

Hughes took a deep breath before speaking. "Edward, I want an explanation, and I want the whole story."

Never taking his eyes off the waking infant, Ed told his story.

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And that's the end of the first chapter. I'm aware that Ed and Al were somewhat out of character but do keep in mind the situation. I wouldn't exactly act in character either.

Well, I've been planning this story for awhile now, and I was kind of scared to start writing it, but there's no turning back now! I look forward to working on it, and I hope everyone enjoys it.

Equivalent Exchange: I write, you review.


	2. Chapter 2

So, now that I've taken long enough to update that there is absolutely no excuse I could possibly use, here's the next chapter. Hehehe. -backs away nervously- I could go on and on with excuses, but I'm sure none of them are really good enough so I'll just say college is hard and be done with it. I have a complete outline done on this story now so I definitely won't be disappearing like that again. You probably don't really care…so here's the next chapter! Don't kill me…please…

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

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The baby started to cry just as Edward finished his explanation. Ed winced slightly. He had no idea what to do. It was the first time the girl had cried since she was handed over to his care. Gracia seemed to understand, and she held out her hands for the girl. Ed handed her over without hesitation.

Hughes watched with a worried expression as Gracia carried the child away. He wanted to believe that Ed trusted the two of them, but it still bothered him how quickly he had been willing to hand over the child. Then again, he had been through quite a bit already. But still, it worried him.

"By the way, Ed," Hughes asked once he turned his attention back to the boy, "what's her name? You never said."

Ed didn't answer immediately. He'd honestly almost forgotten her name. Winry had decided on the name, and Ed assumed that must be what the doctors had written down because he had never spoken it. The name made it all real.

"Alia," he finally answered. He felt the weight over him grow with that one word.

Hughes watched Edward with concern. He knew there was some kind of battle going on in the boy's mind, but he couldn't really be sure what Ed was most worried about. He didn't really know how to handle the situation.

"Well," Hughes said standing up, "there's no point in you going anywhere tonight so why don't we set up the guest room for you, huh? I believe we still have Elysia's old crib, clothes, and toys in the attic, so why don't we head up there and bring them down? Unless, you'd rather stay down here with Alia."

Ed winced slightly again at the girl's name. He glanced in the direction Gracia had gone before during back to Hughes. "I'll go with you."

Hughes' shoulders dropped slightly. He'd been hoping that Ed would prefer to stay with his daughter. He shook off his despair and lead the way to the attic. Ed followed silently behind.

The two didn't bother with conversation as they dug through the attic for Elysia's old belongings. As much as Hughes wanted to talk with Ed, he knew it was no use. He prayed that all Ed needed was a good night's sleep.

The silence continued as they carried the crib and box of clothes and toys down to the guest room on the first floor. Hughes would never say it out loud, but he was concerned about Edward staying on the first floor. Both his bedroom and Elysia's were on the second floor so Ed could easily sneak out of the house if he wanted to. But he hadn't tried to bolt yet so Hughes tried to stay confident.

"I see you're getting everything set up nicely," Gracia said from the doorway of the guest room. She'd managed to make Alia stop crying.

"Yep," Hughes answered. "Everything's still in good shape."

Gracia stepped in the room and started rummaging through the box on the bed for a pair of pajamas for Alia who was currently wrapped only in a towel. Once dressed, she placed Alia in the now set up crib.

"All set then," Hughes said as he watched Alia. He turned to Ed. "You should get some rest."

"Yeah," Ed mumbled.

"Did you want anything to eat before you go to bed?" Gracia asked.

"No."

"Alright, then," Gracia said. She gave a quick smile to Edward before leaving the room. Hughes hesitated a moment before turning to follow her.

"Lieutenant Colonel," Ed said softly. Hughes stopped and looked back at the teen. "Can you keep this a secret?"

Hughes thought about his answer for a moment. The colonel would eventually have to find out if Ed continued missing work, but he was certainly in no shape to work right now. There was no way he could promise that the secret would stay secret for long.

"For now, I'll keep it secret," was his final answer.

Edward didn't look completely satisfied but turned away from the man. Hughes took it as his cue to leave.

Ed glanced at Alia before laying down on the bed. He kicked his shoes off, turned his back to the baby, and fell asleep.

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Edward groaned as he was pulled from dreamland for the third time that night by the loud crying to his right. He had no idea what to do to quiet the girl, and unlike the previous two times, tried nothing. He knew Gracia would be down soon to take care of things and didn't even bother getting up. He could feel Gracia's disappointed glance burning into his back when she entered but fell back to sleep before she'd even quieted the girl.

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Ed stared angrily at the window to his left that was letting in far too much sunlight. He rolled over to his right and immediately realized he was missing a roommate. He sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He glanced around the room. When he saw no sign of life, he was satisfied that Gracia had come in and taken Alia. She'd probably started crying again, but Ed was so exhausted, he wouldn't have heard a train plowing through the room.

Ed yawned and pulled himself out of bed. He wandered out of the room and followed the sound of talking to the dining room. He'd been expecting breakfast but instead saw lunch laid out on the table. A quick glance at the time told him it was already noon.

"Good afternoon," Hughes said with a slight chuckle. He waved Ed over to the table. Ed sat down across from Gracia who was feeding a bottle to Alia. Elysia, who was sitting next to Gracia, was watching Alia eat with a big smile on her face.

"I used to be that little, right?" Elysia asked.

"Yes," Gracia answered with a smile.

"And I drank from a bottle?"

"You'd wake up the whole neighborhood if you didn't get it," Hughes said with a laugh. He turned to Ed when he realized he wasn't eating. "Go on, dig in before it gets cold."

Ed didn't make any move toward the food. Instead, he glanced down at his lap.

"I'm sorry I'm causing you so much trouble," Ed said quietly.

Hughes sighed and laid down his fork. For Edward to apologize for anything, he knew he was in a weird state of mind. "We invited you to stay here. If we thought it was going to be too much trouble, we wouldn't have. So don't start blaming yourself for things, alright?"

"Yeah," Ed muttered. He started putting food on his plate to avoid a lecture. After Ed had taken a couple of bites, Hughes seemed satisfied.

"Well," Hughes said standing up, "I hate to eat and run, but I really should be getting back to work now."

"You should eat lunch at home more often, Daddy!" Elysia said as she ran to give her father a hug.

"Oh, you know I want to," Hughes said as he gave Elysia a big hug, "but it's just too much of a drive to do every day. Besides, it gives you something to look forward to." They both laughed. He gave his wife a kiss. "See you later, honey."

"Stay safe," Gracia said.

"See ya, Ed," Hughes said with a wave as he walked out the door. Ed didn't answer.

Once Hughes had left, the tension in the room rose. Edward felt slightly guilty about making Gracia care for Alia, and his guilt grew every time Gracia yawned. His inner voice kept trying to reason with himself that he had no clue how to care for a child, and Gracia did so it was only fair that she care for the baby. Deep down, he knew it wasn't really fair, but he was willing to accept anything to make the guilt go away.

Edward barely even noticed when Gracia went to lay Alia down for a nap or that Elysia was trying to talk to him. When Gracia returned to eat, Elysia started talking to her nonstop, upset that she had been ignored.

"Ed, can you help me do the dishes?" Gracia asked once everyone had finished eating.

"Huh? Oh, sure," Ed replied after being pulled from somewhere in the depths of his mind.

"Can I go play in the yard?" Elysia asked.

"As long as you stay in the back."

Elysia jumped for joy and ran off to play. Edward started gathering together the dishes with Gracia. For the first few minutes, they both stayed silent. Gracia washed the dishes, and Ed dried. Gracia tried several times to say something but couldn't seem to think of the right way to say it.

"You'll have to accept this eventually and start caring for her," she said after several minutes. Ed tensed but didn't respond. "I understand you're troubled right now, you lost someone very close to you, but Alia is your responsibility now. You can't just abandon her because you want to sit around and mope. It's important to grieve, but she's just as important."

"I know…" His eyes were dry, but his voice held tears. "I'll take care of her, I will…I just need a little time…"

Gracia dried her hands and placed a hand gently on his shoulder. "I'll take care of her until after the funeral, and then you can take over. How's that sound? I'll teach you."

Ed stopped drying the dishes and remained silent for a moment. "I…I'm not going to the funeral."

"Not going?" Gracia asked, shocked. "Why not?"

"If I go, Al won't. He should get to go."

"Edward…"

"I've already made up my mind. I'm not going."

Edward threw his towel on the counter and ran off before Gracia could say another word. She heard the back door open and Elysia squeal in delight so she returned to the dishes without another thought on the subject.

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Well, I hope you liked it after I made you wait for so long for it. I had really intended on it being longer, but I was trying to get back into the tone of this story so…

Yeah, anyway, I promise it won't take so long to get the next one out. If it does, then I'll never call myself a Fullmetal fangirl again.

Equivalent Exchange: I write, you review. I really need to learn to keep up my end of the deal, don't I?


	3. Chapter 3

Hey, look, you didn't have to wait a year for this chapter. Go me! Forget the fact that I'm procrastinating on finishing my short story for a literary magazine and that the deadline's next week and just celebrate! But yeah, because of that icky little deadline thing, don't expect the next chapter until after the 29th. Anyway, I'm sorry that this is yet another short chapter. If all goes as planned, the next one will be longer. But for now, I hope you enjoy chapter 3!

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

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The sun was starting to set when Hughes returned home. Gracia immediately pulled him aside to inform him of Edward's decision.

"Not going to the funeral," Hughes repeated. He furrowed his brow as he hung his coat by the door. "Did he say why?"

"He said that if he goes, Al won't, and he wants Al to go," Gracia replied sadly. She looked thoughtful. "There must be some way we can convince him to go…"

"It's his decision if he doesn't want to go."

"But Maes--"

"Weird as it sounds, I can kind of understand where he's coming from. Maybe if he allows himself this sacrifice for Al, he'll stop blaming himself so much."

"I really hope so."

"I think the best we can do right now is just make sure he has a roof over his head and that he can take care of himself. By the way, where is Ed?"

Gracia nodded toward the back. "He's been out back all afternoon. He seems to be trying to avoid Alia."

Hughes responded with a nod and a sigh. "Just give him a little time. I'm sure he's probably in shock right now. This whole thing probably hasn't even sunk in yet. He just needs a few days to accept it."

"I do hope you're right."

Any further attempts at conversation were cut off as Alia began to cry. Gracia didn't hesitate to answer the cry. She knew Ed wouldn't.

After Gracia disappeared into the guest room, Hughes made his way to the back door. He stood in the doorframe for a moment to watch Elysia play. Edward was sitting against a tree with his eyes shut, but he didn't seem to be asleep.

"Daddy!" Elysia yelled when Hughes started to make his way over. She ran into his arms, and he lifted her over his head.

"Hey there, Princess," he said as he planted a kiss on her forehead. He set her back down. "Why don't you go wash up for dinner?"

"Kay!"

Hughes smiled as he watched Elysia skip back inside. After the door was shut behind her, his expression changed to serious, and he turned to face Ed.

"So, Ed," Hughes said to the boy who hadn't moved a bit, "what are you planning on doing?"

Ed cracked open one eye to stare up at the man. "What do you mean?"

"I mean where are you going to go? You can't stay in your dorm with Alia. Are you going to go back to Risembool?"

Edward shut his eye. "No."

"Then where?"

Ed sighed and finally opened both eyes. He stared at a spot by his shoe. "I don't know."

"You haven't even thought about it, have you?"

"I have."

"Oh?"

"We--me, Winry, and Alia---were going to find an apartment in Central. She was going to open up her own automail shop. But now…I don't want…" Edward made a tight fist.

"You don't want to be alone with Alia," Hughes finished for him. The fist became tighter. "I thought so."

"You don't have to lecture me!" Ed snapped, finally looking at the man with both eyes.

"I wasn't going to," Hughes responded simply.

At first, Ed looked confused. He had been bracing for a lecture from the moment Hughes had come through the back door. Then, the confusion mixed with anger. "Then why are we even having this conversation?"

"Because, Ed, I wanted to find out if you already had any plans before I extended my offer."

"Offer?"

Hughes smiled slightly. "I'm offering the guest room to you for as long as you need. Be it days, or months, or even years, my house is your house."

All traces of anger disappeared and were replaced with pure shock.

"I can't accept that!"

Hughes chuckled at Ed's show of humbleness. There was the possibility that Edward just didn't want to accept charity from anyone, but Hughes felt better believing that Ed was actually showing him one of his genuine emotions.

"Well," Hughes said, "if you have nowhere else to go, then I'm certainly not going to let you leave. You have a daughter to protect now. You can't just go running around the streets and sitting in alleys when you feel like it anymore."

Guilt flashed across Ed's face. "Then…tomorrow, I'll go with you to headquarters. I at least need to pay my share."

"Maybe eventually, depending on how long you stay, but right now, you just need to relax and recover. Don't overstress yourself."

"But--"

"No 'buts.' Now, how about we go inside and get some food. I don't know about you, but I'm starving." Hughes overdramatically rubbed his belly and licked his lips.

Edward looked like he had something more to say, but a quick, subtle glare from Hughes told him that the conversation was over. His only options were to stay at the Hughes' house, return to Risembool, or find a place of his own, and that was that. No more options would be allowed so when Hughes started to head back to the house, Ed followed silently behind.

Hughes glanced back at Ed, careful that he didn't see. 'Now I just have to figure out something to tell Roy so he won't wonder where Ed's disappeared to,' Hughes thought. 'I really don't want to find out how he'd react to this.'

"What are you going to tell Mustang?" Ed asked as they stepped inside.

Hughes blinked in surprise. It was like Ed had read his thoughts. "I'm still thinking on that," Hughes replied. "But don't worry, I'll think of something to get him off your trail for at least a little while. No guarantees for long term."

Ed didn't look entirely convinced.

"Come on," Hughes laughed, "it can't be that hard to fool Roy."

On the other side of Central, Roy sneezed.

"Damn allergies."

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Next time, Roy enters the equation! Won't that be fun? But geez, writing about babies is hard. Pretty much all they're good for is a distracting cry. Ah well, I guess she'll grow up into adorable Elysian goodness someday, right?

Until next time!

Equivalent Exchange: I write, you review.


	4. Chapter 4

So much for not disappearing again. I've come to the conclusion that it is just not possible for me to update quickly. So, that being said, there will be no more promises about quick updates. I'm just no good at it. I will, however, promise that the story will eventually be finished. I know I've got a bad habit of starting stories and never finishing them, but I really, really want to finish this one even if it kills me. So now that I've covered that, onto the Roy chapter! Hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist. I apparently also don't own anymore creativity for these things.

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The strange, little family began to settle into a routine over the next couple days. Not to say it was a very good routine, but it was a routine nonetheless. It consisted mostly of Ed sitting around moping or avoiding Alia while Hughes was at work, and Gracia sacrificing her own free time to care for the child. She had stopped trying to make Edward care for the girl. Quite frankly, she didn't trust him with her. She was content with taking care of the baby while Ed kept Elysia company so she didn't feel left out. It was somewhat dysfunctional, but it worked. That is, it worked until…

"Where is Fullmetal?" Roy asked angrily as he shifted through some papers. Havoc and Breda glanced up at the colonel. "I haven't seen him for nearly a week. He was supposed to meet with me this morning."

"Haven't seen him around," Havoc replied. Breda nodded in agreement.

"Maybe Fuery or Hughes would know," Hawkeye suggested.

"Yeah, but they both have the day off," Havoc said looking somewhat envious.

"Then I guess I'll be making a couple of house calls today," Roy replied.

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Roy decided that his first stop would be the Hughes' household as his friend was in the investigation's department and would likely know more than Fuery. Imagine his surprise when, after waiting impatiently for nearly five minutes, it was none other than Edward who answered the door.

"C-colonel," Edward stammered when he spotted his superior staring down at him with a none too happy expression, "wha-what are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Roy answered, a twinge of annoyance in his voice. Ignoring all manners, he stepped inside the home and shut the door behind him. "I came here to ask Hughes if he knew where you were since you've been AWOL for a week now. How convenient that I happened to find you here. So, care to explain Fullmetal?"

Edward opened and shut his mouth a few times, no words coming out, as if he were trying to think up a valid excuse for his absence. Nothing came to him. "W-well, I…"

Concern made its way into the colonel's expression. It wasn't like Ed to act so…nervous? Frightened?

His concern was cut short before he could question it.

"Who was at the door?" Hughes asked with a big smile as he walked into the room. His smile was replaced with shock and guilt the moment he saw who was standing in his living room. Ed, however, took advantage of the moment to flee into the safety of the guest bedroom.

"Fullmetal, Ed, wait!" Roy called after him. "You still owe me an explanation!"

Most likely in reaction to the sudden loud noise of Roy's yelling, Alia started to cry from the kitchen where Gracia had been letting Elysia feed a bottle to the baby.

"I think I'll have to provide you with that explanation," Hughes said to the stunned man in front of him. He indicated toward the couches. "You should probably sit."

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Edward sat at the desk underneath the window of his temporary room absentmindedly twirling a pair of scissors on his finger. He could still hear the low rumble of men's voices holding a conversation in the living room. Although he couldn't make out any words, he knew he was the main subject. And while he was unhappy that Roy had to find out his secret, he was at least happy for the fact that he didn't have to be the one to tell him.

Ed was suddenly aware that the voices had stopped. He laid the scissors down and waited to see if anyone would come to bother him. Sure enough, not a minute later, there was a knock on the door. Edward didn't answer, and the visitor took that as permission to enter.

"So I hear you've had a rough week," Roy said as he shut the door behind him, his voice much gentler than it had been earlier.

"You could say that," Ed responded without turning around.

"I hear Hughes had to drag you out of an alley to get you here. That right?"

"I guess so."

"Ed," Roy said softly as he took a seat on the bed behind Edward, "why didn't you come to anyone for help?" Ed stayed silent. "You don't have to do everything on your own. You should have come to me."

"And why would I do that?" Ed snapped turning his head slightly toward Roy.

"Why don't you trust me, Edward?"

Ed pushed his chair fully around to look Roy directly in the eyes. "Because you never gave me any reason to. You've never cared where I was unless I missed a meeting with you or you had somewhere oh so important to send me to take care of the work you're too lazy to do. When I first joined the military, you held Al's secret over my head to make sure I always did what you said. You've never praised or congratulated me on anything I've accomplished. You always ridicule me and make sure I never walk out of your office still in a good mood. You've never cared a damn thing about me before so sorry if I don't trust you!" He scanned Roy's face for a moment, trying to get a read on his emotion, before angrily turning back toward the window.

Roy sighed heavily before speaking. "I'm sorry it seems that way to you." Ed snorted angrily and kept his view out the window. "Do you know why I came here today, Ed?"

"Because I missed your precious meeting, and you wanted to yell at me for it."

"Because I was worried about you." Ed glanced over his shoulder but made no other acknowledgement. "You miss one meeting, and when we try to find you, we find Al packing his things and you nowhere in sight. Then, you stay missing for almost an entire week. Did it ever cross your mind that some people might just be worried when you completely vanish for that long with no word? Did it ever cross your mind that the people close to you do care about you? Hughes took you in. I would have taken you in. Hawkeye, Havoc, Breda, Fuery, Falman…anyone of them would have taken you in."

"Like you can be sure of that."

"I'd bet my title as Colonel."

"So what does it even matter?"

"It matters because you need to have a little more faith in us, Ed. We aren't your enemies. We're your friends."

"Well, maybe I don't need friends like you. So get out."

"Edward…"

"I said get out!" Ed shouted standing up and knocking over the chair in the process. "I don't need you taking pity on me! Despite what all of you seem to think, I can handle myself on my own!"

"That's the thing," Roy said. He stood up and started making his way toward the door. "I do believe you can handle yourself on your own. But you aren't on your own anymore. You have to take care of yourself and Alia, and that's something I think you need help with. And you shouldn't be scared to admit that."

"Get out…" Edward hissed.

"You know where to find me."

With that, Roy walked out, shutting the door behind him. Ed stood staring at the door for the moment. He could hear Roy and Hughes talking but again, couldn't make out the words. A moment later, he heard the front door shut. As he was picking up the fallen chair, Hughes poked his head in without knocking.

"Dinner," was all Hughes said.

"I'm not hungry."

Not wanting to add more fuel to the fire, Hughes said, "Eat a big lunch tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah," Ed answered quietly sitting back down at the desk. He turned once more toward the window as Hughes left and shut the door. He stared at the slight reflection of himself and frowned. "Why can't you do anything right anymore?" he asked his reflection. When the reflection provided him with no answer, he felt his eyes fill up with tears. "Gonna cry now? Think that'll solve anything? Crying serves no purpose! It won't change anything!" Despite his argument, the tears started to fall. He couldn't stop himself. "No more crying! No more! It won't do anything!"

He slammed his fist onto the desk, and as he did so, his eyes fell upon the pair of scissors he'd been twirling earlier. Something about them just seemed so…inviting.

"Idiot," he said shaking his head. "That won't do anything either." And yet, he couldn't tear his eyes away. Maybe just one, just one cut, and he could get it all out of his system. He would feel better. Just one cut to release all of his pain. It certainly couldn't be any worse than bawling his eyes out. Just one tiny cut.

He opened the scissors as wide as they would go and looked at his reflection in the blades. He looked a mess. Feeling complete disgust with himself, he settled one of the blades upon the soft skin of his wrist but didn't do more.

"Come on, wimp," he said to himself. "You deserve it. Just do it!"

As he was about to pull back on the blade with all the force of his anger, he heard Alia cry. He stared for a moment at the metal before lifting it up. Rage flared up inside him, and he yanked open one of the drawers of the desk and threw the scissors inside.

He laid his head down on his arms. "Stupid. You'd only be proving that bastard Colonel right if you did that. I'll show him. I'll show him I can take care of myself, and Alia too." He buried his head deep in his arms. "I'll show him."

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So how'd you like it? I had a little trouble getting back into the flow of writing, but I guess that's my own fault so I really shouldn't complain. I was feeling a bit depressed when I started writing so I guess that helped the emotion of it a bit. I feel better now though. Ah, the powers of writing. But anyway, like I said, I'm not gonna make anymore promises about when I'm going to update, but I'd at least like to think it won't take as long anymore. But finish it I shall! Thanks to everyone for being so patient with me!

Until next time!

Equivalent Exchange: I write, you review.


	5. Chapter 5

Look at me! I'm on a roll now! Course, I usually end up vanishing after going on a roll…but we'll just ignore that for now and assume I'm getting better about updating. Yay optimism! This is one of two chapters that I've been really looking forward to writing. So I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

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"Maes, I understand he's going through a rough time, but he doesn't even look at her. He doesn't care who has her or where she is. I don't even think he knows where she is half the time until she starts crying. Do you not see anything wrong?"

Ed stopped just outside the kitchen and listened. Gracia was feeding a bottle to Alia and trying to keep her voice low, but Ed heard every word. Although he couldn't see her face from where he stood, he could clearly imagine her look of disappointment.

"Give him time," was Hughes' answer although he didn't sound entirely convinced of that advice anymore.

Ed looked down at the floor. He played the events of the previous evening over and over in his mind as he had been doing all night. He'd barely slept at all. Now was his chance to prove he could do something right for a change.

He waited a few more seconds so they wouldn't know he'd been eavesdropping, pulled a blank expression up on his face, and stepped into the kitchen.

"Morning," he said trying to add a touch of cheer to his voice. Two pairs of eyes immediately turned toward him. "Are you off again today?" he directed toward Hughes.

"Sure am," Hughes answered with a smile. Any negative emotions he'd been feeling were completely gone. "Last day. Then it's off to work again tomorrow."

Edward took a moment to glance toward Alia, and he felt a pang of nervousness ring through his chest. She'd finished her bottle and was making gentle cooing noises up at Gracia who was playing peek-a-boo.

Gracia glanced up at Ed and followed his gaze down to the girl. She smiled and looked back at Ed. "Would you like to hold her?"

Ed jumped a bit, startled that she'd caught him staring. He started to protest but quickly changed his mind when he replayed the scenario once more. This was his chance to prove himself. He tried to answer, but his mouth suddenly felt like it was full of cotton, so instead, he slowly and shakily held out his arms.

Gracia smiled once more and stood up in front of Edward. She gently laid Alia down in his arms and silently taught him the proper way to hold the infant.

"There now," Hughes said after Gracia stepped away, "I think she's happy to be with her daddy. Don't you think so?"

"Uh," was Ed's only response. Hughes chuckled.

"Well, now," Hughes said, "speaking of daughters, I should be getting Elysia up right about now."

"And I need to get this breakfast out on the table," Gracia added. She smiled at Ed. "Why don't you go sit with Alia at the table? We'll join you in just a minute."

Ed swallowed the large lump forming in his throat. "Uh, y-yeah. Sure."

He took slow, careful steps toward the dining room, and Gracia couldn't help but smile. Once he was out of the room, she turned toward the food on the stove and started pouring it into bowls.

"You were right yet again, Maes," she chuckled to herself.

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"But I wanna go to the park with both of you," Elysia whined at her parents.

"I'm sorry, honey," Hughes said as he patted his little girl on the head, "but it's just too cold today for Alia to stay out for so long so one of us has to stay here to care for her."

Elysia started crying. "But I never get to go with both of you anymore."

"Elysia," Gracia started.

"You guys should go," Edward said from the hallway. He had just returned from laying Alia down for her nap.

"Edward," Gracia said, "you know we can't. Alia needs to stay here, and someone needs to take care of her."

"I'll do it," Ed said without the slightest hesitation.

"Ed…" Hughes said softly.

"You guys should go. It's not everyday you get a day off."

"Are you sure?" Hughes asked.

"Y-yeah," Edward said, his confidence waning a bit.

Sensing his hesitation, the couple glanced at each other, trying to come to a silent conclusion.

"I can handle it."

"If you're sure," Hughes said at last.

"So we can go?" Elysia asked, not entirely sure what was happening but fairly certain she liked the direction it was going.

"We can go, all three of us," Hughes said. He picked up his daughter and twirled her over his head as she cheered.

Gracia gave Edward a quick crash course in baby care while Hughes dressed Elysia for the cold, and before long, they were headed out the door.

"We won't be gone too long," Gracia called out as they walked out the door.

"See ya," Ed responded. "Have fun."

The door clicked shut, and the house fell dead silent. Ed glanced back toward the guest room, nervous sweat starting to form on his brow.

"How hard can it be?"

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Two hours later, Alia was screaming her little lungs out. Edward had tried feeding her, but she wouldn't eat. He checked her diaper, but she was clean. He tried to rock her into a passive state, but she only screamed louder. Now, he was sitting on the couch with the baby in his lap. He had one arm supporting her head and the other arm to his own head trying desperately not to cry himself. He tried everything he could think of, but she wouldn't calm down.

Just when he wasn't sure how much more crying he could take, the front door opened. His head jerked up. He was saved!

Without a single word of explanation and only a look of pure guilt, he quickly handed over Alia to Gracia and disappeared into the guest room before he could be questioned.

"Guess it went well," Hughes said as he started taking off Elysia's coat.

Gracia cast of look of exasperation toward her husband and immediately stepped into the role of calming Alia down. "Go talk to him."

"Right," Hughes answered as he took off his own jacket. "Why don't you go play in your room for a little while Elysia?"

"Kay!" the girl responded and headed toward the stairs.

Hughes entered the guest room and shut the door behind him. Edward was laying on his stomach on the bed facing toward the empty crib with a blank look in his eyes.

"I couldn't do it," he said without looking away from the crib.

"You stuck to it for as long as you could," Hughes answered taking a seat on the edge of the bed. "That's what counts. So maybe you couldn't calm her down this time. What matters is you did your best, and next time, you'll do even better. Besides, sometimes babies cry just to cry, and there's nothing you can do but wait it out. You did fine." Edward stayed silent, and Hughes patted him on the leg before standing up. "Why don't you take a nap? You look exhausted. I'll wake you up for dinner. Alright?"

"Yeah."

"Good." Hughes turned to leave but stopped at the door. "Don't worry so much. You can't expect to be a pro at everything without a little practice, right? Before long, it'll be second nature."

He waited a moment to see if Ed would respond, and when he didn't, he turned and left the room.

Edward remained staring at the empty crib and listening to Alia's howls of frustration for a few more minutes before he rolled over on his side. He watched the clouds outside his window and tried to tune out the wailing to no avail.

"You were right, Mustang," he muttered. "I can't take care of her."

His eyes fell, and he continued staring. It took him a moment before he realized he was staring at the drawer he'd thrown the scissors into. He furrowed his brow and rolled onto his back, but it was only a few minutes before he looked back toward the drawer. He quickly forced his gaze toward the ceiling and threw an arm over his eyes. He tried to think of something, anything else, but it was so quiet.

Quiet.

Ed shot up and listened intently trying to catch even the slightest sound. None came.

Gracia had easily succeeded where he had failed.

Ed absentmindedly let his gaze wander back toward the drawer. "Am I really so weak?"

The more he tried to resist, the more tempting it became until he found himself gripping the pair of scissors with an urgent need. There was no more time for debate, no more trying to talk himself out of it. He'd placed the thought in his own head, and it wasn't going anywhere.

He placed the blade to his skin once again.

"Alia deserves better than you."

And he pulled.

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Ah, angsty goodness. Poor Ed is such a troubled soul. Course, I guess that's expected when he has someone as sadistic as me controlling every portion of his life. But anyway, even though it didn't turn out quite like I had originally planned (none of these chapters seem to), this still takes the spot of one of my favorite chapters. Now I suppose I should hurry and get to the next so I'll be one step closer to my next favorite.

Until next time!

Equivalent Exchange: I write, you review.


	6. Chapter 6

So I suppose everyone should be used to my slow updates by now. I didn't say you have to like it, it's just kind of something to expect. Have I at least done my part in assuring you there will be eventual updates? Even if they are painfully slow. I hope so. I also noticed I kinda got lazy with review replies last time. Whoops! So sorry if I didn't get a reply to you. I read and appreciated them all though. Anyway, I don't have much to say this time around so here's the next chapter. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, blah, blah, blah.

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Sunlight poured through the window onto Edward's bed. He blinked his eyes slowly open but didn't bother to sit up. Frowning at the accursed light, he pulled the covers up over his head. He knew it was probably already late morning, but he didn't care. He was exhausted. Dinner hadn't been the most pleasant of events. At least, in his mind, it hadn't.

He absentmindedly pulled on the long sleeve of his pajama shirt like he'd done so often at dinner. Realizing what he was doing, he shifted under the blanket to get a better look and slid the soft sleeve up his arm. Two cuts, one short, one long, one hesitant, one sure, greeted him. He'd managed to stop himself from doing more, but these two were still there. He hadn't dreamed it.

The previous night, he'd felt some guilt about it. Guilt that he could be so weak as to need this sort of superficial comfort while Gracia and Hughes were so strong. Strong enough to care not only for their own daughter, but now Ed's. And, Edward thought with a slight smirk, the daughter's weak and pathetic excuse for a father. And they didn't have to. They could have left him on the streets or sent him back to Pinako, but they didn't. They gave him their home, and he couldn't even give anything in return.

But now, he felt a certain emptiness, and maybe even, dare he think it, a calmness. Calm like he hadn't felt in so many months. Perhaps accepting that he was weak was all he needed to do. Giving into the guilty desire was something to set his mind at ease. Maybe it wasn't right, and certainly Hughes would punch him in the gut if he found out, but it was a comfort he wasn't willing to give up. To ignore the desire would be to ignore the chance at calm. It was, in the simplest of terms, an outlet for all of his fears and stress, and he needed it.

Ed stayed in his room for as long as he thought he could get away with it. He knew Gracia would let him sleep. He was tired after all. His day with Alia had been stressful. At least, that's how the exchange would go on the surface, but deep down, Edward knew. He knew the only reason Gracia wouldn't bother to wake him up is that she was tired of him. She didn't want him in the way. He was just a nuisance, a bother, a pest. Leeching off her home and family. That must be it. She didn't care at all. She-

"Ed, are you alright? It's almost noon. I've got lunch on the table. Come eat something."

"I'll be out in a minute," Ed called to the door. He heard the soft footsteps lead away and sighed. "Idiot. Of course she cares."

He glanced at the spot where the crib had previously sat. Gracia had come in and moved it herself to her own room so that Edward could get some sleep. She had asked him several times during dinner if he was feeling alright. He'd finally stopped the questions by stating that he had a bit of a headache. It wasn't a lie. He did have a headache. It just wasn't the whole truth.

Shaking his head, he rolled over and then off the bed. After quickly dressing, he checked multiple times that everything looked normal. No, he didn't feel bad about hurting himself, he actually felt quite good about it, like it somehow made him stronger, but he knew he'd never live it down if anyone else found out. He wasn't about to let that happen. If someone else found out, they'd take his calmness away.

"Good afternoon, sleepy-head," Gracia greeted him, and he sat down at the table. His stomach growled in response. Gracia chuckled. "Dig in."

"After lunch, will you play with me?" Elysia asked.

It took a moment for Ed to realize the question was directed at him. He glanced at Gracia, almost as if he was checking if it was alright to leave her alone with Alia. She smiled.

"Yeah, I guess so," Edward responded before stuffing a large piece of broccoli in his mouth. "What'd you have in mind?"

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Gracia scolded.

"I got a new puzzle!"

"Sounds fun," Edward said with a big smile after he'd swallowed his food. "Betcha I can solve more of it than you can!"

"Nuh-uh!"

Gracia's look of worry did not escape Ed's view. Why should she be worried? Didn't they want Ed to be happy? So what if it happened a little fast, he was happy, right?

"You two have fun," Gracia said once lunch was finished, and the two were headed for the stairs.

"We will!" they answered.

Gracia stared after them for a moment. Something wasn't right.

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"It's between the sky and ground so it should have blue and green on it, right?" Edward asked.

"Yeah," Elysia said thoughtfully as she glanced over the remaining pieces.

It amused Ed how difficult the simplistic puzzle of a horse in a field was to the four-year-old. It only had fifty pieces, which, Ed supposed, was quite a lot for a child's puzzle. But Elysia, smart as she was, had grown bored with the giant, simple-shaped pieces of puzzles for children her age. Ed wondered, as Elysia quickly found the correct piece, if Elysia was destined to grow up a genius.

Edward sat up stiffly. He'd been lying on his stomach for at least a few hours now, watching Elysia complete her multiple puzzles and occasionally placing a piece himself. He could smell dinner wafting up into the room. Steak and potatoes. One of his favorites.

"Elysia!" Hughes's voice boomed from below. "I'm home! Come look who I brought!"

"Daddy!" Elysia called as she quickly pushed herself off the floor, destroying a corner of the puzzle in the process.

Edward, not in a hurry to see who the guest was, took a moment to fix the destruction. He knew Elysia didn't care right now, but she'd be sad when she came back up later and saw the puzzle she'd worked so hard on in pieces. It was only after he was sure that everything was how it had been that he made his way downstairs…and immediately wished he hadn't.

Standing next to Hughes in the living room, talking to an excited Elysia, was Roy Mustang.

"How you been holding up, Ed?" Roy asked, obviously in a better mood than his previous visit. He ignored Ed's scowl.

"You know," Ed said turning toward his room, "I've decided I'm not hungry."

"Now, come on, Ed," Hughes said placing an arm around Edward's shoulder, "we've already let you skip too many meals as it is."

"After all the Hughes have done for you, you're not really going to waste such a fantastic meal, are you, Ed?" Roy chuckled.

Somewhere deep down, Edward knew Roy didn't mean anything by it. But it stung. A lot. The guilt came rushing back in one giant tidal wave.

He let himself be led to the table. Ignoring the conversation, he picked at his food.

How long did he plan on wasting the Hughes hospitality? He should be grateful. Grateful he had a place to stay. Grateful that they shared their food with him. Grateful that he had a place to sleep. Grateful that there was someone knowledgeable to care for Alia. He should be grateful for everything. But no, he was continuing to take and take and take without thanking them, without returning the favor, without caring. That wasn't how Equivalent Exchange worked! And it was all stupid Mustang's fault for making him realize! He needed his calm, and he needed it now.

But no, if he left now, he'd be showing his ingratitude once more. No, he had to stay until the end. He could have his calm then. It was his punishment. He would bear through it like they had with him. It was the simplest thing he could do.

But dinner seemed to drag on forever. The longer it lasted, the more fidgety he became, and he knew they noticed. But no one said anything. His mind was out of it. He never even noticed that Alia had been in the room the entire time until she started to hiccup. Guilt struck through his heart yet again when Gracia stopped eating to attend to the infant. It took all of his willpower to not run from the room right then.

The end of dinner did not come soon enough.

Edward used the last of his strength to gently shut his bedroom door. He locked it and ran to his desk. Grabbing the scissors, he did not hesitate. Once, twice, three times. The time for debate was over. He'd already done it once, and he'd probably do it again. An instant calm fell over him as he watched the blood run down his arm. It was wrong, it was abnormal, it was unhealthy, it was dangerous…

But he needed it.

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Well, that chapter was kind of paragraph heavy. Normally, I'm rather dialogue heavy but this is the deep, psychological, mind stuff. And now, confession time. I actually used to be a cutter myself so a lot of Ed's state of mind is pulled from personal experience. Which is also, honestly, one of the reason updates seem to come so slow. I have to be in the right frame of mind to avoid letting it affect me too deeply. So anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. I'm not gonna give a time that I plan on updating cuz every time I do, I end up never making it. But I reassure you once more that there will be an update eventually.

Until next time!

Equivalent Exchange: I write, you review.


	7. Chapter 7

Now that I'm all settled into my new dorm room, and I have my awesome new laptop, I figured I could celebrate by writing the next chapter! And I have been quite looking forward to this chapter. I think it might possibly be my favorite. Now let's hope I don't screw it up. So, onward! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist. And apparently my spellchecker doesn't own the word Fullmetal. Yay reteaching spellchecker!

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It was hard. It really was. Feeling so guilty about pushing his job onto someone else, someone who didn't deserve it, but being unable to take control. He was scared. He wanted so badly to take over for Gracia and to become the father Hughes kept telling him he could be, but everytime he almost offered to take over, he would remember the last time. It was just too much.

And so it went for an entire week. Edward would hang nearby Gracia, watching her with Alia, wanting so bad to take the burden away from her, but he could never bring himself to do it. Afterwards, he would go to his room or go outside to sulk. Gracia had long stopped bothering to ask Ed if he wanted to try, and she had never returned the crib to his room. While Hughes may have still had faith in him coming around, she did not.

And it was the disappointment he felt from her and the disappointment he felt in himself that made him continue to cut almost daily. He steadily became more and more paranoid that they would find out, and it would finally be official that he was a failure. He daydreamed about ending up locked away forever in a mental institution and of the jokes Mustang would make about him being so weak. And, finally fed up with caring for what wasn't theirs, the Hughes would send Alia away to live in some orphanage where she would be adopted by a drug addict looking to score some pity points.

It was from one of these daydreams that Edward found himself pulled from on a bright, sunny afternoon by the little voice of Elysia.

"I'm bored!" Elysia whined to her mother who sat on the couch rocking Alia. "Can we go to the park?"

"You know we can't," Gracia responded. "It's still too cold for Alia to stay out so long. I'm sorry."

"But Mommy!"

"Honey, I'm sorry, but we can't."

"But-"

"Elysia!" Gracia finally snapped. Edward cringed. He'd never seen Gracia get angry before, and he somehow knew it was his fault. He was the one grating on her nerves, but it was Elysia who felt it.

Elysia, used to being an only child, used to always getting her way, started to sniffle. She had always been able to go to the park whenever she wanted. She'd never been told no unless she was sick or was too cold for _her_ to go out. And she had expected a no those times.

"I'm sorry dear," Gracia said, her voice once more in check, and it was then that Edward noticed just how tired Gracia looked.

"It's not fair," Elysia pouted.

Edward's eyes shifted to the ground. He didn't know if Elysia knew he was in the room, but he knew Gracia did. She had looked right at him, but her eyes told him she didn't expect him to offer to take Alia. It was her job. Edward himself knew he wouldn't offer. He couldn't. But…maybe there was something he could do, even if it was just a little thing, to help.

"I…" Edward started, his voice a little shaky. He hadn't spoken much lately, and his voice was already feeling the disuse. Gracia glanced up. He probably imagined it, but he could have sworn the look on her face was daring him to say more. "I could…take Elysia to the park."

Gracia's eyes widened in shock. The thought had never even crossed her mind. She glanced at Elysia who had immediately stopped crying. "How's that, Elysia? Would you like to go to the park with Ed?"

Elysia glanced from her mother to Ed and back again, her thought process clearly written on her face. She obviously would have rather gone with her mother, but she also knew that it was Ed or nothing. A big grin swept across her face. "Yeah!"

"Then let's go get your jacket on," Edward said trying to show his responsibility. He could tell the idea of him taking Elysia to the park alone didn't thrill Gracia, but she also knew it would make Elysia happy.

"Be back in time for dinner," Gracia said before she changed her mind.

"We will," Edward answered as he started leading Elysia toward the door to put on her jacket.

"Stay safe," Gracia added almost as a whisper.

Edward stopped but couldn't bring his eyes up from the carpet. He knew Gracia's belief in him had run out, and it seemed almost insulting for him to reassure her. He simply nodded and left it at that.

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Edward sat on a bench with his chin in his palm as he watched Elysia play in the sandbox. She seemed to be trying to take advantage of everything the park had to offer before it was time to go. She had started on the four square court playing with three other children and moved around the park in a circle with the group before heading to the sandbox where she now sat away from them.

A young girl, Elysia's age, walked up to Elysia with a bucket and seemed to be offering to help her build something, but Elysia simply shrugged her away and continued to play by herself. Edward narrowed his eyes as this continued with three other children before Elysia was the only one left in the sandbox.

Ed glanced toward the sky. It was getting late, and he had been about to call her back so they could head home for dinner, but he quickly made another decision. He made his way toward the sandbox and sat down on the wooden edge closest to her. She only briefly glanced up. Once there, Ed realized he had no idea what to say.

"Didn't feel like playing with the other kids?" he asked dumbly.

"No," Elysia answered.

They sat in awkward silence, Elysia dumping sand on an unidentifiable sculpture, and Edward drumming his fingers on his knee.

"Is something wrong?" Ed suddenly found himself asking. Elysia stopped mid-scoop. As she glanced down toward the sand, Ed found himself thinking she looked so much older than she really was.

Another long moment of silence went by. It only barely registered in Edward's mind the first snow of the season was beginning to fall. He made no move to clear the snow from Elysia's hair or his own and simply waited for her to answer.

He suddenly noticed that Elysia was staring off at something toward the edge of the park. He glanced over and saw a young duck walking across the ground. It looked like it wasn't even old enough to fly, but it was alone.

"I feel like that bird," Elysia said.

Edward glanced back at her. "How so?"

"I got left behind too."

Edward looked taken aback, and he had no idea how to respond. Elysia locked eyes with him.

"Does Mommy still like me?"

"What?" Edward gasped, his senses flying back to him. "Of course she does. Why would you ask that?"

"Does she like Alia more?"

Edward bit his lip. He didn't know what to do. He felt tears form behind his eyes but immediately shoved them back. Tears were not what Elysia needed. He had to say something, and fast, even if he had to completely bullshit his way through it.

"It's not that she likes Alia more," he started, "it's just…well…babies need a lot of attention. You can feed yourself, right?"

"Yes," Elysia said softly.

"And you can dress yourself, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, babies can't. They can't do anything on their own. All they can do is cry to let someone know they need something, but they can't do anything about it. They need someone to feed them, to change them, to dress them. Everything. They take a lot of love and care to be able to grow up smart and healthy like you. You were once the same, and your mom did everything for you."

Elysia looked thoughtful as she absorbed the information.

"What about Daddy?" she finally asked.

"He loves you too. And he's cared for you just as much as your mom. He's away at work a lot, but he does it so he can care for you because he loves you."

"And you're Alia's daddy, right?"

"...Yes."

"Do you love her?"

Edward's lip twitched. Tears stung at his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He tore his gaze away from Elysia's and stood up forcefully. "We should be getting back. Dinner's probably ready."

Elysia studied his face a moment longer before also standing up. "I hope we have ham. I like ham," she said not a hint of joy in her voice.

"Yeah, ham is good," Edward answered in the same tone.

And together they walked in silence through the snow.

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So I managed not to mess that one up. There was a lot of idea bouncing between me, my friend, and my roommate to make sure I got it right. I hope I made someone cry. That was my goal. Only in writing can you have the goal to make someone cry and it not be a bad thing. So, I hope you liked it. A climatic chapter is next time! So…

Until next time!

Equivalent Exchange: I write, you review.


	8. Chapter 8

Well, this chapter wins the award for weirdest place I've ever written. I have no idea how I can concentrate in the school cafeteria. And at noon of all times. But anyway, time for some climactic stuff. And I'm very happy to know that I managed to accomplish my goal for the last chapter. Guess I've finally got this drama thing down. So now I present you with drama of a different sort. Hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

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Edward woke up that morning with a mission. There would be no more of this skirting around responsibility. No more shoving his duties off on someone else. No more treating Alia like an object. She was a person. A person deserving of love. His daughter. She didn't have a mother anymore, but that was no reason for her not to feel loved. She still had a father, and it was time Ed started acting like one.

Ed poked his head around the wall to glance into the kitchen. Gracia was awkwardly trying to wash the dishes while trying to comfort a crying Alia. She'd been crying most of the morning with no noticeable reason much as she'd done the day Edward had tried to care for her.

Ed felt butterflies in his stomach and was worried he was going to throw up before he ever stepped into the room, but he pulled up his courage and stepped in.

"I…" he started. He stopped as Gracia turned toward him with the same look of distrust as the previous day. He swallowed and pulled some confidence into his voice. "I can take her."

"Can you?" Gracia asked with a touch of sarcasm that Ed had never heard in her voice before. She immediately pulled a slightly apologetic look on her face, set the dish rag down, and shifted so she had a better hold on Alia.

"I can," Edward responded, losing no confidence. In fact, after remembering the entire conversation with Elysia, his confidence grew. "You've already done so much by letting me stay here. You shouldn't have to do my job, too."

Any hint of annoyance or anger fell off Gracia's face. She could tell Edward was being sincere even if she still couldn't fully trust his word.

"Well," she said, "alright then. Let's see what you can do." She shifted a little. Not so much that there was any worry of Alia being dropped but enough that Edward knew he was supposed to take her.

His confidence waned a bit as soon as he stepped up to the infant. She was still crying although she had calmed a bit. She was certainly nowhere near as bad as she had been during breakfast. But it still worried Ed. He'd not been able to calm her the last time she'd done this where as Gracia had, but now, not even Gracia could comfort the child. How could he ever stand a chance? He half expected the child to start bawling and screaming the moment he touched her, but she remained at the same level of discomfort. Convincing himself that holding the baby would not cause any sort of lasting mental damage to the girl, Edward finally took her gently in his arms.

"I think her bad mood's cleared up now," Gracia said rubbing a hand over Alia's soft hair.

Edward looked up at her. "But she's still crying."

"She's just hungry now. She wouldn't eat earlier." Gracia started absentmindedly preparing a bottle before she stopped at glanced at Ed. He already looked so lost. "Come over here. Let me show how to get her bottle ready."

Ed took an overly cautious step toward the counter. He was afraid any sort of movement would make him drop Alia, and he would be a complete failure.

"No need to be so nervous," Gracia said as she placed a hand on Ed's shoulder. "Give yourself a little more credit."

And so Edward watched as Gracia showed him how to prepare the bottle, from how to heat it, to how to test the temperature, before he ended up sitting on the couch with Alia on his lap, head supported in one hand and bottle in the other. He started feeding her nervously, but his confidence slowly began to return as he realized that he wasn't hurting the girl or making or cry. In fact, she had completely stopped crying.

"She's not so scary is she, Ed?" Gracia said from her spot next to Edward.

Ed didn't answer but instead smiled down at Alia. Maybe he had overreacted a bit.

He was reminded of just how much he had overreacted when Alia rocked her head and pressed down on one of the two fresh new cuts on his arm. He winced but caught himself quickly before Gracia noticed. Very gently he shifted so that Alia's head was once more on his hand and not on his wrist. He mentally punched himself for being so stupid. Were the temporary episodes of calm really worth it?

The inner battle with himself raged on throughout the day as Gracia showed Ed how to do everything for Alia from burping to changing her diaper. It was late afternoon at the time when Ed was laying Alia down for her nap that the battle was ended, and somehow, miraculously, the optimistic side won.

"Can I help you make dinner?" Edward asked as he stepped into the kitchen. He rubbed his head sheepishly. "I'm not the best cook, but I figured you could use some help."

"I'd love the help," Gracia said with a smile.

Vegetable stew was on the menu, and Edward took his place to Gracia's left to start peeling the small mound of potatoes as Gracia took to the carrots. They chatted away about anything and everything (including ponies when Elysia wandered into the kitchen), and Ed felt his mood rise to a point where he could claim he was happy for the first time since Winry's death. Gracia couldn't hide her own giant smile when Ed genuinely laughed at a joke she made.

But, as the world tends to love to remind us, everything must go wrong at once.

With the peeling knife still in his right hand, when Gracia asked him to pass a spice jar to her, Edward had to reach for it using his left arm. However, in his elated mood, he dropped his paranoia and underestimated the amount of pull on his sleeve until…

"Edward, what's that on your arm?"

"Nothing! It's just a little dirt!" Ed tried to rationalize as he yanked his sleeve down, but he knew it was already too late. Gracia was suspicious.

"Here, let me see it," Gracia said, worry evident in her voice. "It looks like you scraped your arm on something."

"I probably did it at the park. It'll be fine. No need to worry."

"Still, I think I should look at it." Edward started backing up. "I can clean it out for you." Another step. Gracia's look of worry intensified. "Edward…" Another step back. "Let me see it." Ed took yet another step and found himself with his back to the wall. Gracia had already covered the space between them. Her expression had gone from worry to full out concern. "Give me your arm," she said in the firmest voice Ed had ever heard.

Her tone startled Ed so much that he didn't dare make a move while she slowly and carefully reached out for his arm. His brain raced through a million different scenarios, but one thing stood out among all of them. He was caught.

Gracia lifted up his arm.

There were no other options. He had one choice.

She gently pulled back his sleeve.

And that choice was to…

She'd already resolved herself to seeing something like it, but her eyes widened at the severity of it.

Run!

"Ed! Come back!"

Gracia reached out to grab Ed as he slipped through her grasp, but he was too agile. He sprinted toward the door with Gracia trying to catch up. As he threw the door open, he found himself face to face with Hughes, but the shock wore off quickly, and he shoved past him.

"What's going on?" Hughes asked looking completely bewildered.

"Go after him, Maes!" Gracia answered frantically. "He's been hurting himself!"

"What?" Hughes shouted. "Shit!"

He flew out the door in the direction Edward had run leaving a frightened Gracia in the doorway.

"What's happening Mommy?" Elysia asked from the stairs. "I heard yelling."

Gracia tore her gaze away from the street and shut the door behind her. After forcing a look of calm onto her face, she said, "Don't worry, honey. Everything's alright." She somewhat absentmindedly scooped the child up and sat down on the couch. "Everything will be fine," she said, her voice far away.

"Mommy?"

"He'll be fine."

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Edward ran until he couldn't run anymore. By the time he stopped, his vision danced in swirls of color, and if anyone tried to speak to him, they would have been met with only desperate grasps for breath. When he looked up, he realized he'd stopped in front of the alleyway he'd found shelter in sixteen days ago. He could almost see himself sitting with his back pressed against the wall, a small bundle in his arms, rain dripping from his hair. It seemed so long ago. It seemed like another lifetime.

"Edward," Hughes said cautiously as he caught up to the daydreaming teen. He glanced into the alley and saw a shadow of the memory as well.

They stood together at the mouth of the alley in silence for nearly an hour. Ed made no further attempts to flee so Hughes simply waited until he wanted to speak. He twitched nervously at Ed's every moment, however, ready to catch him if need be.

"I'm an idiot," Ed finally said in barely more than a whisper.

"You're not an idiot," Hughes replied as he placed a hand on Ed's shoulder. He gently spun him around so they could see face to face. "You're just scared."

"I shouldn't be," Edward answered, unable to look Hughes in the eyes. "I should be stronger than this."

"You're only human, Ed. And as much as you like to deny it, you're still just a kid. It's okay to be scared."

"It's not fair."

"No, it's not. You were forced to grow up well before you needed to." Hughes cast his eyes down sadly for a moment before pulling them back up to Edward. "But that doesn't mean you can't still make the best of it."

Ed locked eyes with Hughes. "How?"

"As much as I'd like to lead you through every step of your life, it's not my place to do so. You still have your whole life ahead of you. It will be whatever you make of it. If you let things pile on top of each other and drag you down, you're going to have a hell of a time getting back up."

When Edward didn't respond, Hughes held out his hand. Ed knew exactly what he wanted so he set his left hand face up in Hughes'. He never took his eyes off of Hughes' face as Hughes slid his sleeve up. Ed watched anxiously as his arm was closely inspected for any signs of infection.

"Are you angry?" Ed asked.

Hughes looked up to meet his eyes. "Honestly, yes." Edward's gaze dropped. "But I'll get over it." He slid Ed's sleeve back down. "Come on. Let's head back. Gracia's probably worried sick. And I want to take care of those before they get infected."

"That's all?" Edward's face held such a childlike confusion that Hughes wasn't quite sure he was talking to the right person for a second.

"Don't get me wrong," Hughes said in a firm voice. "I do want to talk to you more about this." His voice softened. "But now's not the time or the place. Let's go back, eat some dinner, and after you've had a good night's sleep, we'll see where this goes." Ed still looked confused. "Is that not good?"

"It's just…" Edward fumbled around for the right words. "I thought…you would react…I dunno, worse? Say I was crazy maybe? Or weak?"

"I'm disappointed in you, but some part of me does understand why you did it. I care about you, Ed, and I'm worried about you. And I think you need to learn to rely on adults just a little bit more. But I don't think you're crazy or weak or anything of the sort."

"But I am weak," Edward said with a hint of tears in his voice.

"No, you aren't."

"How would you know?" Ed shouted.

"Because," Hughes said as he grabbed Ed's chin and forced him to look into his eyes, "if you were weak, you wouldn't have stayed. I probably would have never caught up to you. But despite everything, you stayed. Having the ability to stop and accept when it's time to face the consequences, to accept responsibility, makes you strong. Knowing when to rely on others makes you even stronger. You are not weak."

Ed tried, but he couldn't hold in the tears. He fell with his forehead against Hughes' chest, letting Hughes wrap his arms around him, and cried. He didn't care who saw. He didn't care how silly he must look. He didn't care that he looked like a child. He was a child. And he needed an adult to cry on.

He didn't make a single sound of complaint when Hughes lifted him up onto his back. He just continued to cry on his shoulder.

"Come on, Ed," Hughes said softly. "Let's go home."

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So, um, yeah. That chapter took me forever to write. And made me kind of sad inside. I hope I've managed to spark that same emotion within all of you as well. It may look like the story is coming an end, but there are actually still seven more chapters. No, the ending's not going to drag on. I can't really explain it without ruining part of the surprise so just go with it. Okies? And did anyone else notice that that was the longest chapter yet? Well, anyway, I hope you enjoyed it!

Until next time!

Equivalent Exchange: I write, you review.


	9. Chapter 9

Oh boo, apparently I failed again at updating. School kind of piled on me and then kept piling. Hey, you try writing a term paper, building a website, making a commercial, and writing a fanfic at the same time! Alright, alright, I know. I'm full of excuses. So this is the last chapter of the main story. There are still six more chapters to come, but they're more like side-stories than part of the actual story. Although, not everything gets wrapped up in this chapter so I suppose you could consider them part of the main story. Anyway, it seems you'll still be waiting on me for awhile yet. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Disclaimer: Don't own. Nope. Nothing. Well, Alia. But yeah, nothing.

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"We've done a lot of talking, and we believe it would be best if we adopted Alia."

Edward stared at Hughes and Gracia who were sitting on the couch across from him much as they had been the night he'd arrived.

"Adopt Alia?" Ed asked.

"She's really become part of the family," Gracia said. "I believe Elysia already thinks of her as a sister."

Ed thought back to his visit to the park but kept his thoughts to himself.

"I really do think it's best," Hughes said. "It's not fair for you to have to grow up so fast. You can still stay here for as long as you need to, and you can still play with her and see her. It's not like she'll be gone forever."

"And this would give you a chance to actually recover from all that you've been through," Gracia added.

Ed stared first at his hands as he started twiddling his fingers and then at his bandaged arm. It had taken all the convincing he could muster up to keep them from taking him to the doctor to be cared for, but in exchange, he was no longer allowed to wear his jacket around the house. He supposed it was a fair deal considering the alternative, but he constantly worried that someone he knew, like Mustang, would stop by for an unexpected visit. Although, somewhere in his mind, Ed had a feeling that Hughes had already informed Mustang of everything that was going on. He'd been in the loop since the beginning so why leave out anything now?

"Well, what do you think?" Hughes asked when he realized Edward was starting to space out.

Ed brought his eyes back up to Hughes to refocus. "I guess…it really wouldn't be any different than it is now, right?"

"That's how we saw it," Hughes agreed.

"Yeah, then, I guess…" Ed bit his lip and let his gaze drop slightly. "Yeah, it's for the best."

"You don't sound completely sure," Hughes said.

"I'm sure." Ed locked eyes with Hughes. "I'm sure. It's what's best for her."

"Well then, alright. I guess I'll go get that taken care of then."

"I'll go talk to Elysia," Gracia added as she stood up.

The two went their separate ways, leaving Edward alone in the living room for a moment, before he too stood up and headed toward the back door. He stopped by his room to pull on his red jacket but decided not to bother with the black one. He needed the cold to pull him out of his own head.

It was less than half an hour before he was joined by Elysia who sat beside his feet on the grass. She immediately started braiding together pieces of the grass. Edward sat up so his back was no longer against the tree he'd been sitting against and started picking grass for her to braid.

"So I guess your mom told you what's going to happen?" he asked.

"Yeah," Elysia answered, glancing up at Ed for only a second to show him he had her attention. "She said Alia is gonna be my sister, and that you're going to be living here more."

"Is that alright with you?"

"It makes me happy!" Elysia said with a big smile. "It means I'll still have someone to play with when Mommy has to take care of Alia and Daddy's at work."

"So I'm just a back-up playmate then. Is that it?" Ed gave Elysia a small, playful shove.

"Yes!" Elysia answered with a nod.

"And what if I don't feel like playing?"

"You have to."

"Oh, and why's that?"

"If you don't, I'll tell Daddy!"

Ed looked thoughtful. "Yeah, I'd say that's a pretty good reason." He ruffled her hair, and she responded with a giggle. "Let's go play in your room."

"Kay!"

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Edward vowed he was going to destroy that camera. It would burn. And then he'd throw it in the street. Then the pieces would be fed to a chimera.

After much begging, Elysia had somehow persuaded Ed into playing with her dolls with her. He'd been reluctant, but it had been so long since anyone had been able to play dolls with her so he'd agreed. It hadn't been that bad, he certainly didn't see how girls could spend so much time doing it, but it wasn't the worst thing he'd ever done. That is, until Hughes came back and discovered them. He'd had the camera before Ed could even think of blinking.

"Wanna do a puzzle?" Elysia asked after she'd finally stopped giggling and Hughes was gone. Ed was sitting on the floor with his back against her bed absentmindedly toying with a doll's hair. She held the box in front of his face expectantly. Eyeing the box, he realized it was one of her hardest puzzles which he'd come to realize meant she wanted him to join her, not just sit with her.

He tossed the doll aside and took the box. "Why not? We haven't done this one yet."

"Put it here," Elysia said as she moved over to the rug where they usually did puzzles.

Ed dumped the box out into a big pile and started looking for edge pieces while Elysia started flipping the pieces over so they were all right side up.

"Daddy said I shouldn't ask but…"

"But what?"

"What happened to your arm?"

Edward set down the piece he'd just picked up. He took a breath to speak but stopped himself. How much had they told her? How much should he tell her?

"It's not really important," he finally settled on.

Elysia looked disappointed. "But you're hurt. Isn't that always important?"

"It's just-" He fumbled for the right words. Nothing seemed to want to come to him. "It's something that should have never happened."

"But how did it happen?"

Ed sighed in defeat. "I did it to myself."

"Why would you do that?"

"I was sad." He swallowed the lump forming in his throat. "I thought it would help."

"How?"

"I don't know. I guess I wasn't really thinking straight. I-I don't really know how to explain it. Just promise me you'll never do anything stupid like that."

"I won't," Elysia said as she returned to the puzzle. It was barely five minutes before she spoke again. "Why were you sad? Is it because of Winry? Daddy told me that when people die, you shouldn't stay sad for long because then they can't be happy on the other side."

"It wasn't just that," Ed answered feeling increasingly uncomfortable.

"Then why?"

Edward sighed again. She obviously wasn't going to let it go. "I was scared."

"Of what?"

"That I was going to let Alia down. I was afraid I couldn't make her happy. And I was so absorbed in my own selfish feelings of losing Winry that I never stopped to think that I wasn't the only person to lose someone. I was scared, and I was running away. And now I've failed."

"I don't think you failed," Elysia said. She stood up and looked right in Ed's eyes, something Ed was sure she'd picked up from her father. "I think Alia's lucky to have a daddy like you."

"And why do you think that?" Ed asked with a half-hearted chuckle.

"You were so worried about making her happy that you let yourself not be happy. You must care about her a lot!"

Edward looked taken aback. "You don't think I've been selfish?"

"Nope! You hardly thought about yourself at all!" Elysia nodded in approval. "She really is lucky."

A small smile came to Ed's face. "Why don't we go see if your mom could use some help with dinner?"

Elysia nodded, grabbed Ed's hand, and started pulling him toward the door. Once downstairs, they were met with the sounds of clanking pots. They poked their heads into the kitchen to see Hughes setting out pots of numerous sizes.

"We're going to have a feast tonight!" he said when he saw the pair.

"Can we help?" Ed asked.

Gracia laughed at her husband as he started to beat out a tune on the pots. "I think we're good in here," she said to Edward, "but it'd be a big help if you'd take Alia for awhile."

She held out the baby girl that was looking around with wide eyes.

"Yeah, sure," Ed responded as he took the infant.

"Thanks," Gracia said before she joined her husband.

Edward took Alia to the living room to sit on the couch, and he was followed shortly by Elysia. Ed smiled as Elysia played peek-a-boo with Alia, but the smile faded when he started thinking about the conversation they'd just had. He hadn't expected so much to come out of a conversation with a four-year-old, but now he was more confused than ever. Did he care? Or was he just being selfish? What did everyone else think?

He was distracted from his thoughts when Alia hiccupped. A small drop of drool dribbled down and pooled on her chin. Without even thinking, he reached up to wipe it off. A tiny hand grabbed at his finger and wrapped around it. For the first time, he really looked at the girl. Curious golden eyes met equally curious golden eyes. Then, she smiled.

Edward couldn't help it. He smiled back. He chuckled when she refused to release his finger. He'd never noticed just how cute she was.

"It'll be just a few more minutes, and the food will be ready," Hughes said as he entered the living room followed by Gracia. They sat down on the couch across from Ed.

"I think…" Edward looked up at the couple. "I've changed my mind. I want to keep Alia."

Hughes chuckled. "I was wondering how long it would take you to say that."

To say Ed looked shocked would be an understatement.

"I told you I believed you could do it," Hughes answered the unasked question.

Edward smiled. "Yeah, I know I can do it. She needs me. I am her dad after all."

Elysia scooted right up next to Ed, put her hands on his knees, and looked him right in the eye. "Does that mean you love her?"

"Yes, I love Alia very much. More than I even knew."

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So there's the main portion of the story. But no worries! There's still six more chapters! And because I know there will be questions about it, yes, Al will make another appearance in this story. Roy as well. There are still a few loose ends to tie up after all. But I hope enjoyed the ones I did tie up. The scene were Ed finally bonded with Alia comes to you courtesy of an idea from TheMarshmaloWizardGhostCookie. Thanks for that! So, I hope everyone enjoyed that.

Until next time!

Equivalent Exchange: I write, you review.


	10. Chapter 10

Oh, dear god, I took so long for this update I almost forgot how to add a new chapter.

And yet again, I disappeared. Least I finished the main story first this time, right? I actually have a couple of these side chapters already written because I've done a few out of order. I'm hoping to have the story completely finished before the end of August when I go back to school cuz we all know how I get when I have to balance school and writing. It kind of fails, spectacularly. So no promises, but it's definitely my goal.

Disclaimer: Still no own.

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1917

Edward – 18, Alia – 2

"All packed for your trip then, Ed," Hughes asked over the dinner table.

"Sure am," Edward answered with a smile.

"Oh, where are you going?" Roy asked.

"Well, I've gotten some money saved up, and I was thinking it was about time to start looking into a place of my own."

Roy stopped mid bite and raised his brow. "So soon?"

"Soon?" Ed chuckled. "I've been mooching off the Hughes for two years now."

Hughes laughed. "You know we like having you here."

"I know, but I think it's time I at least started looking. We're going to stay close to Central so it's not like we'll be far."

Edward stared down into his potatoes. He'd been turning over the thought of moving out again and again in his head for the past two months. He wasn't sure if the Hughes thought he was ready, and quite honestly, he wasn't so sure he was ready either. He glanced down at his arm where the scars stood bright against his skin. He certainly couldn't say he'd completely gotten better since the day Gracia had discovered his secret. He'd done it a few more times since then, the only difference being the overwhelming sense of guilt he'd felt each time, but then, simply quitting would have been too easy.

Hughes followed Ed's line of sight, then looked back at his face. "I think you'll do fine." Ed glanced up. "And even if it doesn't work out, you'll always have a home to come back to here."

Ed smiled. "Thanks."

"And you have to come back and visit a lot!" a six-year-old Elysia piped in. "Who else is going to teach Alia the proper way to host a tea party?"

"Tea party!" Alia repeated.

Edward smiled down at his daughter. She really looked so much like Winry, save for his eyes. She'd already grown her hair out long and always insisted that half of it be pulled up into a ribbon. Her obsession with ribbons had already grown to occupy an entire drawer of their shared dresser, and he feared how it would grow as she did.

"Well, we should probably be heading to bed," Ed said as he laid down his fork. "We'll be getting up pretty early tomorrow."

"Good night and good luck," Hughes responded.

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Alia snuggled down against her pillow in Elysia's old bed. She looked up at Ed as he sat on the edge of his own bed.

"We're gonna be busy for a few days," he said as he leaned over to brush a lock of hair from her eyes.

"Stay here?" Alia asked.

"It's 'Why not stay here?'" Edward corrected. He was growing concerned that Alia still had not started forming complete sentences. Hughes had said he shouldn't worry over it too much, but he couldn't help it. "And we can't stay because we need a space of our own. You should have your own room, and we shouldn't ask so much from our friends."

Alia bit her lip. "I like here."

Ed sighed and didn't bother correcting her. "You'll grow to like where we find. And we'll still visit."

"Hmm, kay."

Ed kissed her forehead and pulled the blanket up to her chin. "Sleep tight."

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"Um, sir," Ed tried to cut over the man's talking, but he continued on as if nothing was wrong. "Sir?"

The duo was halfway down Edward's list of possible homes and so far, had come up with nothing. He knew that with his budget, they wouldn't be living in a palace, but these homes were bordering on insanity.

"Sir…"

"And if – in this room…quite – made…"

Ed sighed and stared at the ceiling. The couple arguing in the apartment above them were growing louder and louder with each passing second. Ed could only make out a few words the landlord was saying as he showed the two around the small apartment, but the landlord didn't seemed phased in the slightest at the commotion that could have easily awakened the entire building the couple was making.

"So," the landlord finally stopped looking around and pointing like a small child and turned to Ed, "what – you think?"

Ed glanced down at Alia. She looked back up with a horrified expression on her face that Ed could only barely resist laughing at. She started slowly shaking her head no as she squeezed her dad's hand tighter.

"I think we're going to have to pass."

"What was that?"

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Ed let out what he felt was the hundredth sigh of the day as he plopped down on the station bench. He pulled Alia up on his knee and rested his chin on top of her head as she snuggled against him.

"This…isn't going so well."

"Better," Alia said.

Ed knew she was referring to their last stop. It certainly had been better than previous contenders but certainly not to a livable standard.

"Yeah, I suppose it was a little better."

He glanced at his list. They'd finished it the day before but had continued scouting around for anywhere with a sense of normalcy. They'd found nothing. One place had flooded during their inspection, another shared a kitchen with a thousand little buggy roommates, and yet another had a giant hole in the middle of the floor that the landlord had tried to cover with a rug. Any place that wasn't beyond repair had intolerable neighbors.

"I think someone just doesn't want us to find a place."

He glanced in his wallet. They'd almost burned through the money he'd saved for hotel stays and train rides. He had enough for one more ticket plus the ticket to return to Central, but there didn't seem to be enough for another hotel stay.

"Maybe we should just call it quits."

He hoisted Alia, who was beginning to drift off, up in his arms and walked over to the train schedule. "Let's see, Central…Central…" It was then that a name caught his eye. "Risembool…" He looked from the train schedule to the clock and back again. The train for Central left at 4:15. The train for Risembool left at 4:00. It was 3:50, and he had a decision to make.

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"Mommy watches from here?"

"She sure does," Ed said as he set Alia down in front of Winry's grave. He stayed stooped beside her, not being able to find the strength to get back up. He'd never once visited her grave before. He'd been too scared.

"Hi, Mommy," Alia said as she carefully laid down the flower she'd bought. Ed had transmuted a ring of flowers, but once Alia had seen the tiny flower sitting in a stand, she had refused to move until Edward gave her the money for it. She'd been so set on that particular flower that she wouldn't even let Ed buy it. "It's my gift for Mommy!" she exclaimed when Ed had tried to buy it on his own. Ed had considered scolding her for yelling to get what she wanted, but it was the closest thing she'd used to a full sentence in weeks that he'd let it slide.

"Why'd she go?" Alia asked.

Ed pulled her into a hug but didn't turn her around so they could both still see the grave.

"She didn't want to. It was just her time."

"Her time?"

"Yeah, everyone has a time that they have to leave. Nobody knows when, but you shouldn't worry over it. Mommy's watching over you every single day, and she's proud of everything you do. I know she'd love nothing more than to be right beside you everyday because she loves you very much."

"Daddy's crying," Alia said as she held up a finger to wipe away the tear. Ed reached up to wipe his other eye clear.

"I just miss her is all."

"Watches you too."

He smiled down at Alia. "Yeah, she does. And we should be happy. If we're happy, then she can be happy too." He wiped his eyes once more and stood up.

Alia took his hand and smiled. "I'm happy! I met Mommy!"

Edward stared down at the grave. 'I'm trying, Winry,' he thought. 'I'm trying my hardest to give her the life she deserves. We were both scared to try, and I was terrified to try without you, but seeing her smile makes it easier. I only wish you could smile with her.'

"Daddy?"

"Hmm?" Ed brought his gaze back down to his daughter.

"Happy," she said with a huge smile on her face.

He smiled back. "I am. As long as I have you."

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As they walked along the road leading away from the graveyard, Edward wasn't sure what he should do. A battle raged in his mind, and he tried his hardest to keep it from shining through for Alia to see. It was only once they'd reached the main road that he hesitated. He glanced left down the road. Left would lead him to the Rockbell house. Left would lead him to a place he once called home. Left would lead him to Pinako and Alphonse. He glanced right where he could see smoke rising in the distance. Right would lead him to the station. Right would lead him back to Central.

He stared straight until he could feel Alia's curious eyes burning a hole through his head.

He turned right.

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A young man stopped in his tracks as a grave came into view.

"Somebody left flowers…"

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Hmm, I wonder whoever that man could possibly be. Guess it's just a mystery! I had to make up an age chart with the years to make sure I got everybody's ages correct for these extra chapters. I just don't trust myself enough to be able to keep track of it. From here on, Alia will go up a year in each chapter, and the story ends when she's seven to give you an idea of how much is left. There may be an epilogue. I never originally planned one, but I recently got an idea for one so I guess we'll just see. Well…

Until next time!

Equivalent Exchange: I write, you review.


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